Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tiger Woods to Become Mets Bench Coach

Breaking news out of the sporting world today is that Tiger Woods will have season ending surgery and not participate in any more PGA Tour events in 2008.

Don't believe this for a second. It's all a cover. Tiger Woods is actually going to be announced as the new Mets bench coach for the rest of the 2008 season.

Sure Tiger will have surgery, but he'll recover while riding the pine next to interim manager Jerry Manuel. Details of this announcement are top secret and Mets senior management was not able to be reached, but they did not confirm nor deny this report.

We know Tiger can't go a whole year without competing, so becoming the bench coach for the Mets would prove to be his most challenging sports achievement to date.

Tiger is expected to give the Mets some insight in a number of areas to help this team become competitive including:
  • Instructing Jose Reyes on how to properly throw a bat into the ground during a temper tantrum
  • Improve Carlos Delgado's swing so he can actually SEE the ball on contact
  • Teach the entire ballclub on the finer points of "mental toughness"
  • How to make billions of dollars on endorsements
  • Finer points of "recovery" after a bad at bat
  • Tutor Luis Castillo on playing through knee injuries
Tiger Woods did have a few stipulations that the Mets organization would have to adhere to. The major one being that the Mets would have to wear read uniforms for all Sunday games, and Billy Wagner will now enter games to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger."

It's expected that this announcement will be kept under wraps until after Tiger Woods completes his reconstructive surgery on his knee. Stay tuned.

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